When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
