careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
