i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just gift wrapped bread.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
