He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize