Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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