What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
