Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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