I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
