I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
