i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
