Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
