do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize