Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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