My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
