i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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