i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
