Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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