Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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