i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
