Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
