I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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