i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
