Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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