After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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