Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
