This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
