i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
