Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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