i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
