YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
