I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
