need another drink. this is the easiest way
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
