Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
oh god was she eating orange peels again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
