I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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