So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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