That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
