i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
