I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize