just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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