What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
soo... how was my night?
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