She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All the doctor said was why
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize