My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
