i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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