Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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