I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
