Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
