my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
