theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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