I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
