i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
