If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
