not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
