My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
