i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
