why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
