Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize