Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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