so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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