I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You have to summon your inner elephant
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
