when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
