its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want her autograph on my taint
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
