Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
