i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
