I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize