OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize