I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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