jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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