Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
