I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just gift wrapped bread.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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