Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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