i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
