I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
