he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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