you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
soo... how was my night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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