You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
