did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
