mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
