i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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