no, he came in my armpit
I could make wine with my vomit
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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