Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
