That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
