I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
