i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
