I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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