I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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