I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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