Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
