i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
