Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize