What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
