piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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