I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
