For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's a naked man in my car right now.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize