He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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