Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
