You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
