thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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