I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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