I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
