it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
