taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
