Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
