My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
