smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize