WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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