how can u be prego again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Randomize
