my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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