that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize