Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
