I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
