i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize