If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
