New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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