So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
