Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want nice things and good sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
