I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
