there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
