At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
