Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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