i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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