3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
